You never think the world would hurt you. At least I never did. I'm a happy person. I admit that as much as I know how uncool it is to be a happy person in this age, it is the naked truth.
But this can be a hard thing sometimes. Being a happy person makes it hard for me to ever think that someone else will try to snuff out my happiness. Whenever something bad happens, it's not uncommon that I blame myself. It's easier that way, I think. Cause then, I could just get over it and I wouldn't have to forgive.
You probably don't remember this but there was a time in class when you were explaining an idea to us. I asked you a question, a serious question. You said 'love is about chance'. And I disagreed. So I phrased it in a sincere question. 'Isn't it about choice?' I just wanted your opinion.
You got all defensive and dismissed my question saying it was 'irrelevant'. But I really wanted to know, to learn so I asked you again. This time you called me rude and disrespectful and to stop interrupting the class. You said I was 'incorrigible' and asked me to be quiet.
I did as you said. I kept quiet. I was seething. Furious. But quiet. I know you were wrong but I told myself it was I who was wrong. There was nothing, no one to forgive.
This time around the hurt was far greater. I couldn't even blame myself. I couldn't shove it under somewhere, anywhere. It sprang up in my face to slap me over and over again. It was like someone took a dessert fork and stabbed my chest. That was when it first happened. Then I bandaged it. I told myself, "Forgive."
But it comes up again when something triggers my memory of it. And this time, it's like I know what's going to happen, I see the fork come closer but I really can't do anything about it. I watch. And then it's over. And I tell myself again, "Forgive."
And it happens again. I remember. I hurt. And then I forgive.
But today after the ordeal, I thought to myself- Maybe forgiveness is not an end. Maybe it's a process and I'm in the middle of it.
Is processing,
Twisty
7 comments:
The expression of feeling in this piece is excellent. A wonderful portrait of human emotion! Is this based on a real event that involved one of your teachers? Or is it pure fiction?
I'm sorry to hear that being happy is considered "uncool." Joy and happiness protect us against the ills of the world far better than a cynical attitude ever could. Cynicism only adds to the destructive negativity already present in the world. Twisty, you're one of the PURE in heart who cannot understand why other people are often cruel and insensitive.
Don't let the negativity of others hurt you. It is THEY who have issues, not you. NEVER ever blame yourself for another person's negative reaction to your sincere questioning. It is a teacher's role to answer the questions of pupils in a helpful way, not to scold them when there is a difference of opinion.
Yes indeed, forgiveness is a process. A wise saying! And you are wise enough to realize that the basis of true Education is the asking of questions because questions encourage pupils to THINK critically instead of blindly accepting as fact everything taught in schools. Schools of the future will encourage questioning and critical thinking rather than blind acceptance of "facts."
Hey Russell, thanks for your insights!
Well, it didn't really happen this way. I did ask that question and was sort of dismissed but not everything is true.
And thanks for the encouragement. We all need a little bit of that every once in a while.
Yeah, I believe education should be about empowering others to think for themselves. Not to force your beliefs or thoughts onto others. It shouldn't be about duplicating myself but enabling students to discover and BECOME their individual selves. What do you think?
I think you're gonna be an awesome teacher. The kind who doesn't just hook minds and free hearts but also free minds and captures hearts.
Yep, I've been thinking about that quote of yours. I prefer the inverse but I think they're both true.
Yeah, I was just thinking about it the other day too. I like them both ways.
Thanks!!! :)
Kristy, I totally agree that teachers shouldn't try to duplicate themselves. Rather, they are wise when they give their students the tools to seek out and discover their own True Selves, to find their own special talents, abilities and interests.
A wise teacher will help students to know what they are passionate about, what excites them. To follow your excitement is to follow your own True Self.
seething is so not you, dear twisty. I love this piece of yours and I am so sure you will be a great teacher. A revolutionary one, but for great GOOD things. You have what it takes Kris, with your spirit and love and compassion added with steeled passion. I believe in you.
Thanks Steph! I am really missing you but i know you're out there learning and doing great things. Love you with all my heart. :) I'm so proud of you Tham May Sze!
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