Holy Communion II

Here you go Aaron. I took your advice and added a second piece.

Holy Communion II

Did he really think I didn’t know? They said that a woman could tell when her husband was being unfaithful. We picked on up the little signs like body language and the uneasiness that hovers when it was just the two of us. And then there were the words; the lack of or the excessive use of them.

He took my hand as we sat down. It felt awkward and I knew he felt it too. But he didn’t stop there. As if convincing the both of us, he leaned over and whispered in my ear. He told me he loved me. And he had to add ‘like no other’. At that moment I felt like stabbing him with a pair of scissors. The rustiest, sharpest kind there was. I wanted him to feel the way I had for the last few days.

I stopped myself. It was time for Holy Communion and I pulled my hand away to receive the tray from one of the ushers. I took one of the tiny plastic cups and a broken piece of cracker. I held them in one hand and closed my eyes. Deep breaths, I told myself.

I had always looked forward to Holy Communion. Ever since I got to know God for real anyway. To me it was sacred and not just religious. It was a time where nothing and no one else mattered, but us.

With my eyes shut tightly, I opened up my heart to him. We didn’t say anything. We usually never had too. It was hard to explain but this was how I can best describe it. It was like the both of us, touching foreheads with one another and staying. Staying in that moment as he breathed over me, into me. And our hands, we clasped our right palms together as if holding each other up.

In that instant, I knew him. I knew his love and I knew the cross. As I chewed the cracker and swallowed the juice, I felt his forgiveness cover my sins. I pictured that rusty, sharp pair of scissors in my mind. I was far, far, far from perfect. And for that moment, I felt a bit of what God must have felt when I disappointed him.

I opened my eyes and it all came back to me. I took his empty cup from him. I wondered how he would respond if I confronted him later. I felt him take my hand, kiss my fingers and place it on his lap. I wondered if I could ever forgive him. I left my hand there and thought about Holy Communion. I wondered if I could ever love him that way. I sat there, deaf to the sermon.