Alice in wonderland.

So I had to come up with such a topic. Great. Finally got myself to churn something out.

Here goes:

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Hello, my name is Alice.

I can’t quite say whether or not it’s a pleasure to meet you. I can’t quite say anything at all. These are my thoughts and as far as I know, thoughts don’t make any audible sounds. Then again, I just met you and I assume that like the many others, you would prefer if I just shut up.

Every time I meet someone new, I have this urge to ask them what their story is. I wonder if it’s the same for you. Would you want to know my story?

To tell you the truth, I don’t even know how it began. It doesn’t seem to have a proper structure. No there isn’t a ‘once upon a time’ beginning, a build up that leads to the climax, or the dynamics a story should have.

It just is. As long as I can remember I have been living here. In the streets, in the dark in the stinking filth of the city.

Every day I wake up to the same smells, the same streets, the same life. Only the people change. Today it’s you, tomorrow it will be someone else.

You would think that doing the same thing for so long would allow me to adapt. For sure I have adapted. For sure I’ve grown numb adapting. Physically, there’s nothing anymore that really hurts me. But being numb is like death itself has come over you. And even though being numb really means you don’t feel anything, you still manage to feel empty.

Maybe you feel the same way. Maybe you’re here because you want to fill that emptiness and you think that a night with me will do the trick. Maybe you think that just because you have another body to be close to, to get into, to feel one with that you will feel fuller.

Trust me, honey, it never works. I see the men walk in here empty, and somehow they still manage to walk out with emptier souls and emptier pockets. I look at the way you hold me, almost grabbing me, almost suffocating me. You don’t understand do you? That all this isn’t real. As much as you are here, as much as I am here, that this is smoke. You won’t find what you are really looking for. You will leave without a second look. You will pay me and you will leave.

Then, I will clean up. I will have a shower, tidy the room, change the sheets. I do it without thinking anymore. It is my job. It’s how I live, no, survive, no not even that…it’s how I exist and keep existing. I don’t know life beyond this. I wish I did.

Oh look, my next client has swaggered in. I should attend to him.

Hello, my name is Alice. But as far as I know, this isn’t wonderland.