Love is in the air.

I am in the middle of preparations for my bro's wedding. It's happening this Saturday. Ahhh, weddings. The thought of them makes me dizzy with bliss.

Anyway, I found this in some file. It was a journal entry I had to write for my 'Families and Individuals in Society' class in college.

I re-read it and thought it was cute.

We were discussing what love and infatuation were. Here's what I came up with:

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In my personal opinion, infatuation and love are two very different things although in many cases, they are often mixed up. When it comes to mate selection, especially at this age of adolescence, I don't think I know what or maybe who I really want. My ideal Mr Man-of-my-dreams keeps altering the same way I want chocolate flavoured ice-cream one day and vanilla the next.

Having said that, yes I have been infatuated. I've had crushes that melted my stubborn heart and made me swoon at the thoughts of our hopefully fairytale future together. During this period, I cannot control the quickening of heart rate, the sweaty palms and the tell-tale smile that plasters itself all over my silly face. Just a glimpse of him, a thought, an sms, a friendly 'Hi'...and I'm well, high (pun unintended).

This I will call infatuation.

However, love is commitment. Love has staying power. It is enduring and pretty astonishing so that it bears both the tough and the mundane times. It is not just feeling good anymore but being good instead. It is saying I'll take the chocolate ice-cream today even though I prefer vanilla because I believe in the relationship. It's not so much what I can get out of the relationship as it is, what I can put in. It's when I may not have to like the person right now, but I do love him, and I will like him again...just later. It's when I can separate what he has done, from who he is and accept him for that.

This is a peek of what I think love is.

How will I know which is which? Why, that's the kazilion dollar question. In my opinion, love is action. Why? Because actions are activated by motives and because we can't know the true intent of another's heart (not unless I'm God which I'm not) I guess the next best thing to watch out for is action. Action not just in the first minutes of a relationship but over a period of time. For sure, stress will test this, lust will test this, misunderstandings will test this, people will test this, the world will test this, little things will test this and at the end of all these tests, if both are still faithful, then maybe, just maybe, that's love.

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I am looking forward to this Saturday...and beyond that.

Alice in wonderland.

So I had to come up with such a topic. Great. Finally got myself to churn something out.

Here goes:

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Hello, my name is Alice.

I can’t quite say whether or not it’s a pleasure to meet you. I can’t quite say anything at all. These are my thoughts and as far as I know, thoughts don’t make any audible sounds. Then again, I just met you and I assume that like the many others, you would prefer if I just shut up.

Every time I meet someone new, I have this urge to ask them what their story is. I wonder if it’s the same for you. Would you want to know my story?

To tell you the truth, I don’t even know how it began. It doesn’t seem to have a proper structure. No there isn’t a ‘once upon a time’ beginning, a build up that leads to the climax, or the dynamics a story should have.

It just is. As long as I can remember I have been living here. In the streets, in the dark in the stinking filth of the city.

Every day I wake up to the same smells, the same streets, the same life. Only the people change. Today it’s you, tomorrow it will be someone else.

You would think that doing the same thing for so long would allow me to adapt. For sure I have adapted. For sure I’ve grown numb adapting. Physically, there’s nothing anymore that really hurts me. But being numb is like death itself has come over you. And even though being numb really means you don’t feel anything, you still manage to feel empty.

Maybe you feel the same way. Maybe you’re here because you want to fill that emptiness and you think that a night with me will do the trick. Maybe you think that just because you have another body to be close to, to get into, to feel one with that you will feel fuller.

Trust me, honey, it never works. I see the men walk in here empty, and somehow they still manage to walk out with emptier souls and emptier pockets. I look at the way you hold me, almost grabbing me, almost suffocating me. You don’t understand do you? That all this isn’t real. As much as you are here, as much as I am here, that this is smoke. You won’t find what you are really looking for. You will leave without a second look. You will pay me and you will leave.

Then, I will clean up. I will have a shower, tidy the room, change the sheets. I do it without thinking anymore. It is my job. It’s how I live, no, survive, no not even that…it’s how I exist and keep existing. I don’t know life beyond this. I wish I did.

Oh look, my next client has swaggered in. I should attend to him.

Hello, my name is Alice. But as far as I know, this isn’t wonderland.

Fire

I've got 3 assignments due in the next week. I'm usually a frazzled nutcase.

But now the only thing I can think of is how much I want to do great things. My dreams overwhelm me and sometimes I feel too small to contain them. Sometimes, I think that the ingredients the Potter used in this clay is not enough. Who am I to question?

But I still want to DO something. Teach, write, speak, love, live, die...for the cause.

In the words of Britt Nicole, I want to set the world on fire.

Till it's burning bright for You.