Work

I still find it amazing how it's always when I'm the busiest that I find myself blogging the most. Or Writing. Or reading.

I don't watch television. I don't play games. I don't shop.

Instead I clean. I write. I read and I do things like sit outside and stare at the blue, blue sky. I sat on this brick square thingo that also doubles up as our mailbox the other day and just looked at the sky. I did it for at least 5 minutes. I didn't even realize when an adolescent boy walked past me. Suddenly, I felt awkward. Like hey, there are other people in this world too.

There's something really beautiful about a blue cloudless sky. It leaves no space for worries or cares. It is full and it is accepting. It is friendly and inviting. Wide and blue.

Boy do I sound like a loony.

I am not fussed.

At least I tell myself not to be anymore.

I am surrounded by people who enjoy annoying me. And it's very easy for them to do that because I hold many, many things close to my heart. I am quite serious about these things. Things like equality, education, and human rights and responsibilities. Things that I feel, really matter.

I have a housemate who gets a kick out of teasing me about these things.

He'll say things like:

"Kris, go about your womanly duties and serve me some food."

And I feel a burning to the left to my chest. It always gets a response from me. I cannot help but get annoyed.

I wonder why nobody else gets as annoyed as I do. Maybe it's due to the fact that I'm studying these things. I've always been passionate about these issues and now that I'm studying stuff like humanities in uni, I am made even more aware, and the burden is heavier. Maybe it's the freedom I had as an individual growing up (thank you mum and dad) that makes me cringe at the thought of a role that so confines me to 'my womanly duties'. I think a great woman is not about what she does, but simply who she is.

Maybe I'm just too serious. Too sensitive. It's just that, the reality is that I've heard of what mindless structure and tradition can do to a person. When people are denied their basic human rights whilst others ignore their social responsibilities.

But now, I've chosen not to get fussed whenever people say this kind of thing. I know more often than not, that they don't actually mean to say that women are lesser or confined to a particular role...they merely enjoy the reaction I give. So I will stop giving them the reaction they so desire and nod.

I will practise the art of Mhmm-ing.

Having said that, it does not mean that I will do nothing. I'll just look for an alternative. I'll channel my energy from what I cannot do, to what I can.

Austen Quotes

Here are some Austen quotes from Northanger Abbey that I earlier scribbled on a loose piece of paper.

"No lady can be justified in falling in love before a gentleman's love is declared, it must be very improper that a young lady should dream of a gentleman before the gentleman is first known to have dreamt of her."

"Every young lady may feel for the heroine in this critical moment... All have been, or at least all have believed themselves to be in danger from the pursuit or someone whom they wished to avoid, and all have been anxious for the attentions of someone whom they wished to please. "

"Matrimony and dancing... in both, man has the advantage of choice, woman only the power of refusal."

"Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love."

Austen is just awesome.

I watched Pride and Prejudice again last night and just loved it. It engages my mind and absolutely melts my heart.

I am such a girl.

Rare

Today is the kind of day that rarely comes by.

It's the kind of day that allows me to get up at 10.30am and lie in bed till 11. The kind of day where I stay decked in my pajamas and roam freely but within the constrains of the house- the furthest being the garage because I had to toss some paper into the recycling bin. The kind of day that gives me time to blog.

I've been complaining about 'the little things' to several people. The little things that annoy and frustrate and that if looked at individually are really minor but because they have come at you all at once can make you cry.

But then there are the other little things.

The little joys of life.

Like the burning of a scented candle which smells like green apples over a wood-fire. I got the one from Ikea. It's called Tindra and it's the best. It reminds me of home.

Like the card I wrote. The one with the white orchids on the cover. An effort to make amends. To say 'I'm sorry' and hope for the very best.

Like the clinking of the chunky bracelet I have that reminds me that I am and will continue to become a 'beautiful woman'.

Like the time to sit and read words from 2 Timothy and be affirmed that 'God did not give me a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and self-discipline'.

Like the song playing in the background. Telling me to never lose my sense of wonder, to feel small when I stand beside the ocean, to give faith a fighting chance, and when given the choice to sit it out, or dance, ...to choose to dance.

I cannot help but smile.

P.S. Yes, I admit I am listening to Ronan Keating's '10 years of hits album' okay. And enjoying it very much thank you.

Bigger smile.